The Stoics/Boy-Father Pattern
(Conscious Boychild, Subconscious Father)
Boy-Father is a less common pattern. People who have this pattern
are stoic. They have active, can-do energy at the conscious level,
coupled with a forceful directive pattern in the subconscious. They
can conquer extreme challenges and often end up in military or law
enforcement work, where guns are involved. They display power combined
with action. They are very rough-and-ready and know how to get the
job done. They seek to find out how everything works and can take
things apart with great detachment.
Boy-Fathers have a lot of personal magnetism and look very bright
and shiny to others, but behind their social front, we find a pillar
of iron impersonality. People can get along with them extremely well,
because they do not seem to carry a lot of emotional baggage. They
are stoic, take things as they come and think that whatever is happening
to them is just the way things are. Boy-Fathers can also be politically
savvy. Even though they have an enormous desire to lead the pack,
they are willing to be good followers.
Boy-Fathers are great heroes in any crisis. They are the survivors
who help others out of difficult situations. They can see beyond the
“groupthink” and usually do not land in the same trap
as everyone else. When push comes to shove and everybody’s in
a panic because the room is on fire and the emergency door won’t
open, they calmly work things out and remember to push the right button.
Boy-Fathers can shoot themselves in the foot, because they lack emotional
intelligence. Instead, they often prefer to lean toward orthodoxy,
toward hard and fast rules that are empirically obvious, and frown
upon Girlchild intuition. When Boy-Fathers do not take into account
the impact their words, feelings, actions and agendas have on the
people around them, they shut down their feedback loop and make costly
mistakes, even though they believe they are only calling a spade a
spade. Boy-Fathers’ drive for perfection can destroy group morale
and end up in mediocrity. If they treat people as paid robots, they
may achieve mechanical perfection but will never experience creative
transcendence.
Part of the reason Boy-Fathers have such a tough underbelly is that
they usually come from families where personal care and intimacy was
supplanted by rules. Their early childhood training was very demanding,
almost military-like, and they often treat others like they were treated.
When someone appears weak, they wonder what is wrong with that person.
They tend to forget how difficult things really were during their
early years and live to prove that they have no affliction. The chance
of finding a Boy-Father in a self-help therapy group or a counseling
session, where they might be analyzed or assessed, is very slim. The
message they send is that life is great and that they have no problems.
This can be very attractive to others and greatly enhances their public
image. Nevertheless, despite all appearances, Boy-Fathers tend to
suffer from a deep subconscious pattern of self-criticism that was
generated in childhood.
Boy-Fathers put up with a lot, but when someone gets on their bad
side, they may “erase” that person out of their lives
just like they erased their own childhood pain. Once you have been
erased, they will not acknowledge your presence, even if you greet
them in a doorway. When Boy-Fathers do succeed in rising to power
and use this power for wrong, they can become ruthless and show no
compunction.
In most cases, Boy-Fathers genuinely do try to make correct choices
and do right by others because of the strong rules inculcated into
them as children. They strive to excel in life, even though the process
may be slow and wrought with trial and error. Behind every successful
Boy-Father who means well is a loving, supportive and nurturing spouse
or parent. Even though Boy-Fathers can be very intense and aggressive,
surprisingly, when they come home, take their guns off, hang them
up on the door and go into the bedroom, their spouse is usually the
boss. If they are not married, their mother usually plays that role.
The best way to cultivate a relationship with a Boy-Father is to provide
much-needed nurturing and support. Behind their rough exterior, Boy-Fathers
long for intimacy, even though they do not think they need it. They
do not realize how starved they are for affection, because they are
so used to depriving themselves of it. In turn, Boy-Fathers must be
careful not to bite the hand that feeds them by criticizing or overly
dominating those who would care for them. Then, even though Boy-Fathers
may not express their gratitude in an open way, their willingness
to stand by their loved ones through thick and thin, without requiring
a great deal of attention, will speak for itself.
~Boy-Fathers have a shiny, magnetic
presence.
~They are hardworking, rough-and-ready individuals
who conquer difficult challenges.
~They are great heroes in any crisis and shine
in the thick of the fight.
~They tend to have a harsh childhood but usually
do not remember it.
~They can sabotage themselves through self-criticism
and by not caring enough about other people’s feelings.
~Boy-Fathers lean toward orthodoxy and toward
hard and fast rules. They can be relentless.
Famous Boy-Fathers
Late night talk show host David Letterman
British politician Winston Churchill
American film producer Orson Welles
Actress Katherine Hepburn
Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meier
World War II General Patton
The Boy-Father pattern is described in greater
detail in our book, The
Inner Family Archetypes: Building Loving Relationships Through Divine
Self-Awareness.
Read about the other patterns.
~The
Achievers (Conscious Boychild, subconscious Mother)
~The
Crusaders (Conscious Boychild, subconscious Girlchild)
~The
Analysts (Conscious Mother, subconscious Boychild)
~The
Nurturers (Conscious Mother, subconscious Girlchild)
~The
Creators (Conscious Girlchild, subconscious Boychild)
~The
Inspirers (Conscious Girlchild, subconscious Mother)
~The
Overcomers (Conscious Girlchild, subconscious Father)
